and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
