We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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