You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
