now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
