I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
