Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize