Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
