My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i think i have two assholes
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize