____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This baby is an asshole
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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