Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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