Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
