I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we're making bets on your personal life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
