why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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