Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So much Jack, so little girl.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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