Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
