Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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