Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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