Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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