Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
