I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize