just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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