Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In other news, I just burned my penis
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
