In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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