At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
