My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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