Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
