the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
