On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so let's talk penis.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
