i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
