Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
