like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
