Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
