Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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