i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize