We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
