I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
