I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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