ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i now understand why vodka
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
