what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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