I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do herpes really smell.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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