Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
