got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
