apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
