And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
