her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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