when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
