my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
