really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
