Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
