I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
