I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The adults are the big ones right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
