Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
