my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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