@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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