dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
