Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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