the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
