I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
