Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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