Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My bed smells like the plague
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