Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
