Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
