Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
