if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
