I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
