put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
