"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
