Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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