your thong is hanging out like whoa
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
