bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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