I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
