I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
