he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
a search helicopter?!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
