A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
