you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
