you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Barsexuality is the new black.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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