Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
