I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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