I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
