She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
