My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
